Crossroads
by illman
Summary: Greg deals with the events of PwF and ItB. Someone reaches out to help. COMPLETE
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
Note: This is set immediately after the conversation between Greg and Grissom in ItB. I   
  
haven't done so much reading lately, so if anyone had something similar up already, my   
  
apologies.  
  
Greg could tell that what had been supposed to be an attempt to lighten up the conversation   
  
had done nothing to take the tension out of the situation. If he had though he would be able to   
  
convince Grissom that he was going to be fine just with a little half hearted humour. The truth   
  
was that he himself did not belief his words. But whatever guilt he normally would have felt   
  
about lying to his boss, was overridden by his fear. Fear of losing control, of losing face, of   
  
losing the job he loved. Or at least the job he used to love. He still did loved it and couldn't   
  
imagine wanting to do anything else. The problem was just that he wasn't able to do his job   
  
properly anymore.  
  
After Grissom had left him alone in the lab again, it was just getting worse. Maybe it was the   
  
nervousness that the conversation had caused, the confirmation that others were noticing that   
  
he wasn't up to his work anymore.   
  
"Hey Greg, you done with that scarf yet? The question startled Greg. He had not seen   
  
Warrick coming in having been too wrapped up in his thoughts.  
  
"Ah, yes, sure" He handed Warrick the evidence bag.  
  
"Thanks, man" Warrick looked at him, a slightly puzzled expression on his face, before he left.   
  
Was he noticing it too? Or was it just his own paranoia? Greg didn't know what to think   
  
anymore. He took a deep breath and told himself to relax. But to no avail. He had been telling   
  
himself ever since he had gotten back to work to days ago. But it wasn't helping at all. After   
  
yesterdays shift he had told himself that it would be better tomorrow. But that hope had not   
  
been fulfilled. It was even worse today and on top of it all, seemed to get worse every minute.   
  
He decided to take a short break. There had to be a way to get through the shift, he told   
  
himself and pushed the thought of the days to come to the back of his mind, behind the door   
  
labelled DENIAL.  
  
The break room was not empty, much to his dismay. David Hodges were there, reading some   
  
peer-reviewed journal. He looked up from his reading.  
  
"Already on a break?" his tone was rife with mock sincerity.  
  
Greg ignored him, forgoing his usual witty remark at Hodges bickering. The guy didn't seem   
  
to be able to stand him, but that went for the majority of the people at the lab. All Hodges did   
  
all day was plot how to make himself look good in front of Grissom. Greg would have loved to   
  
go over and get a cup of his favourite drug, coffee, but for that he was going to need both   
  
hands. What if Hodges noticed them shaking too? The first thing the man would do was run to   
  
Grissom and tell him that he wasn't up to his job anymore. He tried to reason with himself,   
  
telling himself that caffeine was a bad idea when nervous and that this was the reason why he   
  
wasn't getting himself any coffee. But again, he didn't buy his own lies.  
  
As he sat there, waiting, not sure what to do know, the realization started to creep up on him.   
  
Slowly but surely. He could what was happening. He was denying that he had a problem and   
  
he was trying to avoid a situation during which it would show. Being an educated and   
  
intelligent person he knew that he was walking down a dangerous road. His rational mind also   
  
told him that he had to face this, this being more than just trembling hands. The hands were   
  
just the symptom, one of them actually. But there was more then just his rational mind; there   
  
was also the part of him that was afraid to face the demons and whatever consequences   
  
there were in store for him.  
  
He had to decide somehow. He couldn't just carry on. He had seen today that this wasn't   
  
working out. Not just for him on the inside, but also on the outside. The funny, light-hearted   
  
facade already had cracks in it. And there were going to spread. But the consequences had   
  
no brighter prospect to offer to him. Admitting that he was losing it, that he couldn't cope, what   
  
was that saying about him?  
  
If he wanted it or not, he was standing at a crossroads and either of the paths was going to be   
  
painful. But maybe there was a third path?  
  
Note2: Short, inspiration struck, I know I have another fic going. Just tell what you think. 


	2. Flashback

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

In order to go forward you have to know the past first. He had to figure out what was at the core of his problems before deciding on doing anything.

The explosion, that was what had started set it all into motion. Involuntary his mind flashed back, transporting him back to the day of the explosion. This wasn't his first flashback, but this time, instead of trying to shake of the memories, he forced himself to revisit the memories. He needed to know where it had gone wrong, where he had gone wrong maybe, where he had started to feel not like himself again anymore,

The smell of burning plastic had been the only warning sign. He had smelled it, instinctively turned to located the source. Than it had happened.  His memory files had nothing to offer for it. He didn't remember having been thrown through the glass wall of the lab, landing amidst glass shards in the corridor. 

He had come to in the corridor again, after having been out for maybe half a minute. He was confused to say the least. it was hot, he could smell fire and there was this annoying ringing noise that just wouldn't stop. As much as he wanted to pick himself up from then floor he couldn't. His body wasn't in synch with his mind. Mentally screaming at himself to get to hell out of there did nothing, but add to his growing frustration. He must have been more dazed than he had realized for it was only then that he wasn't alone. A guy, paramedics uniform was hunched next to him. He was talking, but Greg couldn't understand a word, all he heard was the ringing noise. Should he be worried? Probably yes, not being able to get up wasn't a good sign. But he was too tired to care. He was alive that was for sure, and he didn't feel too bad right now.

Being wheeled out of the building, he got a pretty good view of the damage. Shattered glass, destroyed equipment, destroyed cases it occurred to him.  Well, who cared, Grissom probably did. Hell it was all the man ever cared about. If I blew up the lab, then  I'm gonna be looking for a new job, Greg thought. The ringing noise had now stopped, he could hear a voice, but couldn't assign a face to it. It was nobody he knew.

The heat suddenly lessened and the dim emergency lighting of the lab, was replaced by bright morning sun light. A flash of pain shot through his already aching head and he closed his eyes. 

He must have lost consciousness again, because the next item in his memory database was a memory of waking up at the hospital. The numbness had subsides and made way to pain. 

He fell asleep almost immediately after Warrick and Catherine had left. The next time he woke up Catherine was back again, no alone. Something about her told him that this time it wasn't business, but for a social call, her smile was too tense, too forced.

When she told him that she was responsible for the explosion he was at a loss for words. Catherine was looking at him, clearly expecting some kind of response. It was clear to him that he wasn't going to get away without one. He was far too exhausted to work up much of an emotional reaction. That would come later. In order to avoid having to give an answer he replied with asking what exactly had happened and who else had been hurt. Catherine told him, then wished him a good night. He could tell that she had come with the intention of easing her conscience, but when she left she only looked sad.

While he passed the first day mainly sleep, things started to get increasingly unpleasant the next day. The pain radiating from his back and neck made dozing near impossible. Lying on his side was growing more uncomfortable by the hour.  Hospital routine had him. The day started out early with a nurse waking him up at 6 am. After a brief check-up and a bland breakfast, the hours started to stretch like chewing gum. He visually examined the room. It was pretty pleasant by hospital standards. A painting on the wall, flowers and cards on the bedside table. He had noticed the cards before, but he wanted to keep this treat for later in the day. He already suspected the he would be bored out of his box by early afternoon. By 10 am he was desperate enough. Getting up to a sitting position was a painful chore, which reminded him that the after effects of the explosion were going to last a while. There was a card from the guys at the lab, everyone, even Hodges who couldn't stand him, had signed it.  The next one was anonymous. It read: "Feel better soon."

Strange, he had no idea who that could be. Catherine had also left him a card. He read through the text.

"I'm really sorry for what happened. Get well soon."

Catherine's signature underneath. When had she left that. It didn't really matter. 

Morning changed into afternoon, punctuated only by a visit from his doctor. It didn't improve his mood. He had been fortunate all right, the explosion, the fire and his flight through the glass could have done a lot more damage. The worst thing was that there was no reason that it hadn't, it was all a coincidence. Great, alive and with a face thanks to a coincidence. Still there were going to be scars both on his back and neck. His back was going to be sore for quite some time. Strangely the prospect of scars didn't disturb him as much as he would have expected.

The day passed slowly. Catherine dropped by just before dinner. She seemed uncomfortable. This didn't fit in at all with the impression of unshakable confidence that he had always gotten from her. Apparently he wasn't to only one to live behind a facade. 

"Hi Greg, how are you?"

"Better", he lied. "How's it going?"

"Well, I have a lot of time on my hands. I hope you don't mind, I went over to your place, got the key from your landlady. I brought you some stuff. I hope I got the right CDs for your disc-man." She put a bag on the bedside table.

"Thanks."

During the next days, the pain was the only thing distracted him from thinking. The explosion which could have cost him his life, made him think about the life he would have lost. A fake life?

It hadn't always felt so fake, but he was getting the distinct impression that the easy going flippant personae he displayed at work wasn't really him. At least not any more. It used to be him.

What was there really to his life? There was his job, where he spend most of his waking hours. He was good at it, that was true. But it no longer really fulfilled him. He wanted to do more, it was his dream to be working as a CSI one day. But deep down he was afraid that he wasn't up to it. It was quite a while ago, but the memory of freezing up when working the bus accident was still fresh. Despite being good at his job, he seldom earned kind words from his co-workers. he got along well enough with the guys at the lab and had had quite a few bets with Jacqui, but the CSI crowd usually dropped by to tell him that they wanted their results asap, or even better yesterday. No matter how fast he worked, he rarely got anything beyond: "good work". And Grissom wouldn't even acknowledge that much. Still, in spite of everything, his job still seemed like the best thing he had going, compared to what else there was.

There were his co-workers. It had hurt him that apart from Catherine and ,if you counted professional visits, Warrick were the only ones to have visited him. 

Move on the hobbies: he spent a lot of time reading. Scientific books and journals, but also pretty much everything else, poetry, sports, social studies, psychology. 

His private social life was pretty dried up, he used to have quite a lot going in that department but as he had started working overtime and more often double shifts at the lab, that area of his life had significantly suffered. 

His life wasn't really great, in fact it came pretty close to sucking. But still he was terrified to go back to it. Already in the hospital, he dreaded his first day back at work. The situation was Catherine could probably be ignored, both of them were after all good at pretending, but just going back to the lab and carrying on like always seemed impossible. The thought scared him more than anything.

He tried to blame his dark thoughts on boredom, but it wasn't true, and he knew it. He also tried to convince himself that his fear of the lab would resolve itself. But his well educated brain at already put the stamp "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder" on it.

Great, he felt trapped. A job which was essentially his life, but he was terrified of returning to.

Finally came the day, when he was fit to go home. Not knowing whom to call and with his car god knows where, presumably still in the CSI parking lot where he had last parked it 5 days ago, he called himself a cap. Five days that seemed like ages ago. Could a person really change in five days? Or was it just having been cooped up in the hospital that made him feel not like his usual self. He still hoped that things would just magically be the same as they had been before.

He was ambivalent the next morning, For one thing, after 5 days at the hospital, he could not wait to get back to work. He had been bored out of his mind and he had had too much time for thinking. Thinking that hadn't let to pleasant conclusions.

But at the same time, he didn't feel up to it. he was tired, having rested poorly not only because of his back, but also because of the recurring nightmare. The thought of the lab still made him cringe. Okay, the first day is the hardest, it will feel all right once you get back into the feel of things, he told himself while getting ready. It didn't. Greg shuddered at the memory of his first day back at work. 

Note: Dark, I know, but that's my interpretation, feel free to comment. I am planning on a happy ending though.


	3. Reality

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Parts of the dialogue are taken directly from the episode "Inside the Box"

He had barely slept before his first day back at work, a mixture of pain and nightmares he couldn't clearly recall had added up to an unrestful night.

He was nervous when he left his apartment, but his nervousness only grew into apprehension and fear the closer he got to the CSI building. His hands started trembling so badly, that he had to pull up at the side of the road. 

You can do that, this is nothing, he told himself. Everything is going to be fine, you love your job and are good it at. he took a couple of deep breath. He felt utterly stupid, but somehow it must have worked for him. While not claming down completely, he felt at least bale to complete the rest of the drive without causing a car accident.

The rest of the drive was uneventful. Greg was already exhausted when he finally pulled up in front of the CSI building. The drive had never seemed to so long. He looked at his place of employment with a feeling of anxiety and dread that he had never linked to his work. He could not quite explain it, the very thought of getting out of the car, entering the building and going to work in the temporary DNA lab made him cringe. He realized that he couldn't sit there in his parked car forever, he would eventually be later for his shift. Drawing any more attention was the last thing he wanted, so he forced himself to get out of the car and start walking towards the building. Every step seemed to require massive effort. After what seemed like hours, he finally arrived at the temporary lab. His lab used to have been his lair and he had always felt comfortable, just sometimes a bit boxed in. But now, he was feeling menaced. It was irrational and he knew it, but that didn't really help him. The work which, in spite of there being more people, working DNA had piled up quite a bit. He hope that work would distract him. Although neither his heart nor his mind where fully in it, it worked for a while. it worked until Catherine showed up. He had not really given that issue much thought during his hospital stay. He only knew that he didn't want to deal with it right now.

Catherine didn't bother asking him the generic "how are you" that everyone had asked him this day. He was glad for that. 

"You know what off the record means, don't you Greg?"

"Yeah" Greg was surprised, this was not a scenario he had imagined. He waited for her to go on.

"Good" Catherine paused.

"I need you to run the sample from the scene against this." She handed him a sample containing a blonde hair.

"Sure. No problem" 

"Thank you. Please send me the report as soon as you are done."

"I will" he answered, but Catherine had already left.

Greg didn't even want to know what this was all about. He had enough on his mind already. Normally he would have been extremely curious and would have done whatever he could to figure out what Catherine was doing. Instead he processed her request and send her the report, just as she had asked. But he kept a mental note and a copy of the report, just in case. By the time he got him from work, he felt like he had been working for a week straight. He was calmer at home, but the very idea of going back to the lab the next day made him nervous.

~~~~~

And now there he was, sitting in the break room, on his second day back at work, not sure what to do, but aware that something needed to be done. The memory of the past week showed him clearly what mess he had gotten himself into. His life seemed to suck and he was losing it at the job.

he had no idea how long he had been pondering his situation when Nick intruded on his thought

"Are you ok, Greg? You don't look too well" Nick was in the break room. Greg had no idea whether he had just come in or had been there any longer. He hoped for the former. After Grissom, he didn't need anyone else see him lose it.

He shoved his still trembling hands into the pocket of his lab coat, hoping that Nick hadn't noticed anything.

"No, I'm ok, just a bit tired" he told his second lie that day. It wasn't easy, but lying to Nick was not as hard as lying to Grissom. After all Grissom was the one who could have him on leave or even fired. And not only was he quickly turning incompetent, but had also run a test off-the-record. So, he concluded, it was maybe not just him being  all paranoid.

Before Nick had chance to say anything else he hurried out of the break room. He suddenly felt so trapped. Everywhere he went at the lab, there were people. people who might notice and ask him. he himself didn't even know what was wrong with him, expect life in general, so how the hell was he supposed to explain it to anyone. And whom was he kidding, the only thing that mattered here was that he was able to do his job without making any mistakes which threatened to blow the case and let the bad guys walk. Part of his mind told him that it wasn't that bad, there were people who also saw him as a person and not just as a piece of walking and talking lab equipment. He just wasn't too sure who that was. What Grissom had said today had been strange it had sounded as if the man actually cared. That was uncharacteristic for him.  The anonymous card writer, maybe. But he had no clue who that could be.

Having nowhere to run, he got back to the lab, there was work to be done. He was going to get through the rest of the shift, then he could decided what to do. He had not counted on his hands. Ever since the conversation with Grissom they had become incontrollable. Only be concentration with all his attention he could control the shaking briefly. That work was near impossible became clear to him, when he dropped a test-tube because of the shaking. 

It wasn't a big deal and had happened to him before, but now it was the proverbial final straw that broke the horse's back. In his case, it brought on the grim realization that he wasn't up to his job anymore. The more upset he got with himself, the worse the shaking was getting.

He had made the decision, he could not continue. It hurt him that he was forced to leave his job, at least for a while, but there was no other way. Determined not t change his mind again, he headed for Grissom's office, only to find it looked. Shift was nowhere near over and as Grissom wasn't out on a case as far as he knew. Puzzled he was about to retreat to the lab, when he ran into Catherine.

Note: I never figure out how much time passes during one episode of the show. For the purpose of this story, I just assume that two days pass during "Inside the box". If anyone has figured out how much time is supposed to pass, please let me know. Also, big thanks to all who reviewed the story so far.


	4. Impact

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Note: I'm nearly  finished with the story now, I've long debated how to continue it end it since I had three different idea.. Sorry for the small chapters, but I think it makes it easier to read. Also sorry, it doesn't really stick to the format of the show that much. But, after all, it's just fiction.

Catherine herself looked quite dishevelled, even Greg noticed that. Normally Catherine was always cool and impeccably looking. She didn't look like she was in the mood to talk to anyone. But since he had to speak to Grissom urgently, Greg still asked her. 

"Do you know where Grissom is?" 

"He's on not in. He's on leave, he'll be back in a couple of days." Catherine's answer avoided his question. Greg didn't know whether it was because of him or because of whatever personal issues Catherine was having. He suspected that it was having something to do with the test she had asked him to run. And Grissom taking leave, apparently everyone was now having personal issues.

"Can I do something for you?" Catherine asked him, apparently she had noticed that he was looking quite unwell.

Catherine was the last person he wanted to talk to now, so he simple said:

"No, it's ok." The third lie of the day. He hurried off, not sure what to do now. Nothing had changed. He felt like he couldn't stay in for one more minute. His head seemed to be on the verge of imploding. Was he going crazy? He was seriously starting to question his sanity today. How could it ever have come that far? He didn't understand how his life could have gone to hell within one week. Maybe it had started earlier, he just had not noticed that before. He needed to get out, now.

He didn't even bother changing out of his lab coat before he left the building. It was always busy, so he managed to get into the parking lot without running into anyone who asked questions. It took him several tried to unlock the door of his car. His hands had a life of their own. Finally have gotten the keys into the lock, he climbed into his car. 

Okay, what now? His head didn't fell like it was going to implode right away anymore. He had gotten out of his immediate predicament, but the big picture hadn't really improved. He was still stuck in a job he couldn't do and a life that wasn't really his. Going home was not an appealing prospect. He would feel less nervous there, but there, he was always reminded of this strange life that was apparently his. It was just too much today. He hoped that tomorrow he would be able to see more clearly. He was going to straighten things out, he knew that.

He realized that he couldn't sit in his car here forever, a few people passing by had already given him a funny looks

Before he ever had a chance to put any plan into motion, metal hit metal. He had backed into another car. His back made painful contact with the car seat. Great, he thought, just what I needed.


	5. Interlude: Another life touched

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Note: This is an interlude, but still relevant to the story, so please stick with me. I pretty much ignored Hank in this, since I have seen almost none of the episodes he was in.

Greg wasn't the only one, who was stuck in his life.

The bank robbery had kept Sara busy, she had spend hours working on the reconstruction of safety deposit box room. And even after the actual case was solved there was always the paperwork. But truth be told, right now she was happy that there was work to be done. The impact that the lab explosion had created on her life was still hurting. After her initial attempts to deal with the feeling the she had not really lived her life so far had been rather disastrous, she preferred not to think about that right now. She knew that burying herself in her work was not helping her at all. She knew that she needed to change, but in order to avoid the pain of it, she kept doing what she had always done, immerse herself in work instead of leading a life. Now she had finished her paperwork, all her paperwork in fact. She glanced at her watch, shift had been over for 2 hours. All cases coming in now, fell into the jurisdiction of the day shift. Not having anything else to do, her thoughts returned to the day of the lab explosion. The sudden intrusion of a threat to her life, which she had escaped unscathed. Now, she knew that she had to start living more. Because if she had died on the explosion what would she have missed, more hours of work, take-out and the yearly vacation in the snow. That wasn't a hell of a lot. In the wake of the explosion she had decided to change that. Asking Grissom out for dinner had been a mistake probably, she didn't even know why she had even tried. it was clear that he would say no, besides while she liked Grissom and admired his thinking ability and his vast knowledge, she didn't really feel attracted to him. it was all so complicated. She knew why she had preferred to steer clear of the messy domain of human interaction.  But was part of life too. Fortunately, she now thought that Grissom had never broached the subject of her invitation again. She herself hadn't said another word about it. In fact that had worked well together on the bank robbery again. The night after her asking him out and him turning her down, she had come home and slowly the realization had sunk in. She could have easily seriously ruined their working relationship. Well, she had gotten lucky. But luck wasn't enough. The next day she had called in sick at work. Grissom hadn't asked why or made any comments. She had gone out for a walk, she needed time to think. She thought about herself, about other people she knew, because she saw them every day, but she didn't really know anything about. She hoped that this was going to change. And she wasn't thinking about Grissom. Grissom was impossible to get to know, and she thought that deep down he didn't want anyone to really know him, at least no one from work. And she decided to go out on a limp and take someone up on his old offer. 

Still after her botched attempt at asking Grissom out, she was afraid that to get burned again like that. She was afraid that she was still too much in shock . but she decided to take a small first step. She walked back home, got in her car and drove to the hospital.

At first she had not even realized that Greg had been caught in the explosion. She didn't know how she had gotten outside afterwards. Traumatic situations can cause amnesia, she knew that. Still it felt weird and wrong to her, that it would just happen to her. The rest of the day, she had spent in a strange state, not really being herself. She had somehow found herself in front of her locker, and realizing that she had to take charge of her life and do something with it. It was just the "how", that was a bit of a problem for her.

She had wanted to visit Greg in the hospital herself, but she was afraid. It was ridiculous, her logical mind told her. She had nothing to feel bad about. But the fact that she had gotten off so lightly, made her feel bad. 

At least she had done something.

Resigned that she had effectively run out of work to do, she made her way towards the front desk to sign out.

She was just about to drive out of the parking area, mentally preparing herself for the routine waiting for her at home, when an unexpected shock hit her car.


	6. Facing the music

Disclaimer:  I own nothing.

Greg just wanted to disappear from the face of the planet. His day had gone from bad to worse. And when he had thought things possibly couldn't get any worse, he had hit somebody else's car, because he had been wrapped up in his problems. He really didn't belong on the job. Deciding that he had to face the music, he got out of the car, just hoping he hadn't hit a police car or Ecklie's Mercedes. He hadn't. He had backed into Sara's car. She had already gotten out of her car. He walked over to her, steeling himself for what was to come.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just a dent in the car." She inspected the damage. The rear door was dented, where he had hit it. It looked like it needed a quite expensive repair, but that wasn't really important. At least, Sara hadn't been hurt.

"I'm sorry, I  ... I just didn't look out. I'm really sorry" Sara just looked at him. He had tried to hide his nervousness, but it was no use.

"Greg, are you all right?" Sara asked finally.

"I'm fine. Really."

"No, you aren't. You're barely getting a sentence together, plus you're shaking." There she had said it. It was out in the open.

She eerily reminded Greg of Grissom. Noticing everything and quickly putting it all together. It was a replay of earlier this day. But this time, no lying, he decided. He had told enough lies for one day. Besides Sara wouldn't buy it anyways. 

"I'm sorry, I'm not myself today. I'm feeling a bit off." He didn't look up.

"More than a bit. What is it? The explosion?" 

"I don't really know, I have been thinking about it a lot. The explosion started it all, I started thinking about my life and .... I just need a change of perspective, do something else" he was reluctant to tell her why he really felt that bad. He wasn't sure whether he should tell Sara about his petty problems with his life. It probably didn't even interest her. 

"Hey, could you maybe just move it. You're blocking the driveway", some guy was yelling in their direction. He sounded angry. They had completely forgotten that they were standing in the middle of the drive way of the parking lot, Sara's car effectively blocking the way.

"I'm sorry. Sara called. "I'm going to park the car again. I'll be back right away" She added in Greg's direction.

Greg could have easily run off, while Sara was busy parking. Hell, he had run away from more things today. But he stayed, standing right were he was.

"Some people do care, Greg, even if you don't believe that."

"Right" he was bitter, the conversation dragged his dark musings from the days at the hospital back to the surface. "It's not like I blame others. It's my fault. I'm not up to it." Nothing left to ruin, he might as well be honest. If he really wanted to sort his life out, that's where he had to start.

"Greg, people do like you and they would miss you if you'd quit." She could see that Greg wasn't buying it. After a pause she said: "You just have to look out"

It was like a light when on his head. In spite of being an emotional mess, his intellect was still up and running. It fit together. However if he was wrong he would make a total idiot out of himself. For once he actually cared about that. But what the heck, this was probably his last day on the job.

"The card?" he asked.

"Yep", Sara nodded.

"You wrote the card." Greg was flabbergasted.

Note: I'm almost done. Anyone still reading? Thanks to Elina for pointing pointing out my whacky grammar and spelling. I hope it's better now. I'm not a native speaker of English, so do tell me if I make mistakes.


	7. Rocky Road

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Sara just nodded in response.

Neither of them knew how to go on.

Greg finally asked. "Why didn't you just put your name under the card?" Sara had always struck him as a were direct type of person, who wasn't afraid to express what she was thinking. A bit insecure maybe in the realm of social interactions but still he had not thought of her as someone who would write an anonymous card. Not that it bothered him that much, it was just surprising.

"I don't really know myself. I know it sounds silly, but I actually wanted to visit you in hospital, but when I was there, I don't know", Sara laughed nervously. 

"I guess I felt just guilty that I had gotten of so lightly in the explosion, while you were seriously hurt." She didn't look at him while speaking, her eyes were fixed on the pavement

Greg sensed that she wasn't telling the whole truth, but he didn't want to press the issue. If she didn't want to tell him, that was her business. But why bother with the card if she didn't care enough to even visit? Her explanation that she had been scared to face him was just ridiculous in his mind. Hell, why did people have to be so complicated? It used to be all so easy. Maybe Grissom had it right, lots of work and cockroach racing in the off-time. But lately even Grissom seemed to have a life with all it's associated pesky problems.

"Well, thanks a lot for the card then." he tried to give a smile that didn't seem forced. The whole exchange made him uncomfortable. "It'd better get going then. Just call me about the car repair" he wanted to get away.

"Where do you think you are going, Greg? 

"I told you, people do care. What's really the problem? You've always worked with more enthusiasm than anyone else I know, I don't believe that you suddenly simply don't like your job anymore." Her voice sounded firm, but Greg could detect a hint of uncertainty in it

"I'm sorry I backed into your car, I'm gonna take care of the repair. But the rest is my business. Just stop meddling in my affairs." With that he marched off. 

Greg himself didn't know why he had reacted with so much aggression. It was probably just a reflection of his anger at himself and his own doubts. Maybe he was doing Sara an injustice and she really did care? He thought to himself as he walked back to his car. For a moment he considered turning back, but he was just to tired of everything right now. I could still call her and apologize later, he thought, knowing that he wouldn't.

Sara had doubts as well. She wasn't nearly as confident as she pretended to be. This was foreign territory for her as well. But it could hardly go worse than it had with Grissom. What business did she have meddling in Greg's affairs? If he wanted to quit his job, who was she to tell him not to? Normally she was a rather private person and also accorded others their privacy. But what if leaving people alone when they wanted to be left alone, wasn't going to do them any good? She could tell that Greg was having problem, which were probably a lot more serious than he let on. She decided that she was going to find out and do what she could to help.  She was a friend who cared, she decided that was enough. Besides if she was right than Greg didn't really want to quit his job either. There was more to it, Greg didn't want to tell her, ok fine with her, but he wasn't going to get himself into trouble again. She caught up with Greg, just as he was about to get into his car again.

"Greg", she called. He didn't react.

She grabbed Greg by the sleeve. 

"Listen, I'm sorry. It is your life." If an apology was what it took to get him to listen, that was what she was going to do. 

"You shouldn't be driving. Look, you're distracted, your hands are trembling, if you drive like this you just risk having another accident." She sounded concerned.

Greg had to admit that she had a point. Another accident wasn't high up on his list of things to do today. He was in enough trouble as it was.

"Come on, I'm going to drive you home."

"You sure you don't mind?" He couldn't believe this was happening. This day was just plain crazy.

"Yes, I'm. Let's go. Otherwise we'll still be standing here by the time shift starts up again." Sara tried to lighten up the tense situation.

Finally, they got into the car. Sara marvelled at the turn that she had taken since the last time she had climbed into her car about 30 minutes ago. She also wondered where she was heading. In the right direction she told herself. Ever since the explosion she had felt like doing something, like reaching out more to the people around herself. Now she had taken a step in that direction.

Note: Thanks a bunch for the reviews, you rock. I totally agree with MoonDancerCat that Greg deserves to be happy, so I'm aiming for a happy ending.


	8. A Silver Lining

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Greg directed Sara to his neighbourhood. As they drove there, neither of them talking which was pretty rare for both of them. Sara noticed how little she knew about Greg. Not only had she had no idea where he lived, she also knew little about his personal life. She always assumed that he was single, but she had no idea what he did when he wasn't working. In fact he always seemed to be at work. He usually was there before she got there and after she left. Considering that she put in for overtime on a regular basis, she could imagine what Greg's timesheet must look like.

"We're there. You can drop me off right here." Greg indicated 

Sara parked in front of an apartment building. Somehow the neighbourhood looked too normal for Greg. But truth be told, she never had given much thought to that. In fact, in her mind, Greg just belonged to the lab. She had never pictured him leading an outside life. Maybe Greg hadn't been that wrong after all when he had said that people only cared about the work he was doing. She guessed that she was guilty in that department as well. Regarding him as a fast and funny piece of lab equipment, that happened to talk a lot and move around. She suddenly felt bad.  Her life used to be so work-centred that she had even ignored the people she was working with. 

"Thanks for driving me home." Greg was getting out of the car. Sara followed him.

"Should I get you tomorrow then?"

"No, that's nice, but not necessary."

"Well, your car is still parked at CSI. How are you going to get to work tomorrow?" Sara continued before Greg answered. 

"Don't tell me that you aren't going." 

Sara already knew the answer and she knew that Greg didn't want to discuss whatever reasons he had for wanting to quit his job.

"You said it before, it's your life, but it's also your choice. You can resign, even though you don't want to, or you can tell the people around you what's wrong and you can try and figure this out."

Sara was surprised at herself. She had never thought she could react in such a drastic manner.

Greg said nothing, he just looked at her, thinking about what to do. He had thought about the choices he had, earlier at the lab. None of them had sounded appealing, but he had neglected a factor. He maybe didn't have to see it all through alone, at least he could tells someone, what was there left to ruin. So he decided to take the leap forward.

"You sure you want to listen to me whine about my life?" the humour didn't come across well.

"I'm sure, that's what friends are for Greg. Now, we wanna stand in the corridor forever?" Sara asked.

"No, I'm sorry." Greg was afraid of yet another lock challenge, but he was feeling more relaxed now than he had before. He managed to manoeuvre the key into the lock at his first attempt.

"Hope you don't faint, it's not looking that great, but I haven't been getting around to do much cleaning lately."

"It's ok, I've seen worse."

Greg was living in a rather small apartment. He had not that much furniture, but it still looked crammed mainly because of the books and CDs which seemed to be omnipresent. After having freed the couch of various items, they sat down. Having forgotten his earlier experience of painful contact with the back of the seat in his car. Greg accidentally leaned against the couch, only the regret it instantly. This had happened a couple of times during the last two days. 

Sara noticed him wince.

"Your back."

"Yeah, it's gonna take a while before I can comfortably lean back again."

"Oh, I didn't know it was that bad. Catherine and Warrick just mentioned that you had burns to the neck and back. Well, I should have visited after all." Her tone was regretful. 

Greg ignored the last part, not wanting to stir the conversation into that direction, as Sara clearly didn't want to go there. He was just glad, that he could talk to someone whom listed and wasn't going to have him fired because he couldn't do his job properly.

"It started all I think while I was in hospital. Five days with nothing to do is a lot of time to think. I know it sounds idiotic but, I felt that something was wrong with my life."

Sara was startled. After the explosion she had started to feel that she needed to take a more active role in her own life, which was pretty ironic. She had never thought that Greg was dissatisfied with his life. After all he was always talking flippantly and grinning like a maniac. Well, most of the time anyways. It had rarely occurred to her, that just maybe, it was a façade to hide behind. And if she called the last two days back to memory Greg had been funny, but not the same as usual. She remembered that odd Mongolian Beef joke. That had been strange. She realized that Greg expected her to say something.

"I think I know what you mean. Is that why you want to do something else now?"

No, not at all. I still love my job. It's just that every time I even started thinking about going back to the lab, I got all nervous. I thought it was going to pass, but it didn't. I can't concentrate at work, and as you've noticed, I can't stop shaking. Sometimes, I can barely hold anything." 

He hoped that Sara wasn't thinking that he must have totally lost it now. Sara wasn't. In fact she felt sorry for Greg and could understand why he hadn't told people about this. Still if he wanted to quit, he had to tell Grissom something. And she suspected that Grissom already knew.

"Did Grissom notice you shaking?"

"Yes, he asked me about. But I told him that I had it under control. Then I wanted to go back and talk to him about it, telling him that I didn't, but he wasn't there."

"That's odd. I noticed not seeing him today second half of shift.  I wanted to ask Catherine, but she looked like she was in a really bad mood today, so I didn't want to get in her way."

"You noticed that too? I asked her where Grissom was. She reacted all distracted, only told me that he was on leave and as going to be back in a few days. I guess we are not the only ones having their issues."

"We?"

"Yes, I've been a bit off myself lately." Sara admitted.

"What do you mean by off. I've spilled my guts, now it's your turn." Greg said, only half joking.

"I can't put it into words that well. At first I think I was totally in shock. I don't even remember getting out of the building after the explosion. I didn't realize that I had cut myself on the glass shards." 

Sara looked up at Greg. She could see that talking about the explosion itself made him feel uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. Afterwards, I just felt that I had to do something. Because, I think, I realized that I could have been killed and the life I'd have lost was I really not much of a life. I work, read, eat and sleep. But there has to be more. So, In decided to start doing something with my life. Only problem is that, I'm too scared of what's gonna happen if I do. So far, it's done nothing but get me into trouble. I apprehended a suspect at a scene, just to have Brass and Nick tell Grissom about it, who now thinks that I should be on paid leave instead of being on the job. I don't I want that."

"Looks like we are in quite similar spots, stuck in life and work. What are you going to do about it then?"

"I have no idea. I was thinking, I should pay more attention to the people around me.

"You did that today. Thanks."

"All my pleasure. So what will you do tomorrow?"

"I don't know. I don't think I have much of a choice."

"You do. Talk to Grissom. I know, sometimes he seems not really human, but he is. He isn't going to fire you. If you feel you need some more time off from work, take it. You don't have to quit right away. If you did, I think people would really miss you at the lab. You do work incredibly fast and lighten things up around the place. Otherwise, it would just be us gloomy workaholics and paranoid Hodges ruling over the lab." Sara smile, trying to get Greg to lighten up a bit. "If you want, I'll put in a good word for you with Grissom."

"Only if you let me introduce you to a new hobby. You said you wanted to do something new." For the first time, Greg's tone wasn't bitter or cynical.

"What hobby?"

"You'll see."

"Well, right now I'm seeing something else." Sara glanced at her watch.

"What is it?" Greg asked

"We're due back at work in four hours. Listen, I'm starving, want to join me for something to eat?"

"Since, my car is parked half way across town and I am a lousy cook, I'll have no other choice." Greg smiled.

The world was far from perfect for Greg right now, but there were bright spots on the horizon. It felt good having been able to talk to someone, who didn't make him feel bad about having problems. That it was Sara didn't hurt either. Walking out into the day, he smiled, the first genuine smile in a while.

Note: Well, it's done.  Originally I didn't have it planned as a whole story, but I enjoyed writing it. If you've read it, please let me know what you think, good or bad.  Hope I made up for killing off Greg in the other story I have going at the moment. 


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